Sunday, July 8, 2007

I know, I know, I know! I haven't blogged in forever, and after I promised I would! I'm sorry. With coming home came work and other distractions. And I wanted enough time to let the re-entry shock settle down and to gather my thoughts so I could express them adequately. And, yes, I will be posting more pictures soon! And when I say soon, I really honestly mean soon! :)

This summer has been a very important one for me. I've had a lot of new and wonderful experiences and also a lot of time to realize that since the day I boarded that plane in Dallas, my life will never be quite the same. In Italy, I never had a revelation moment like, "Wow, this sure is a life changing experience." I was just doing what I was there to do. And I loved it, and I became comfortable with it. It became a routine…living in Italy! How crazy that sounds now, to call it routine. It was, in fact, very out of character for me.

Going to Italy, I threw myself into a situation where I couldn't escape and knew absolutely no one. I put myself out there, socially and personally. I took a risk for the sake of my own peace of mind and in doing so, I have solidified my future and made incredible friends. That's not to say I don't already have incredible friends – on the contrary actually. But the people I met in Italy love history and Archaeology and Anthropology and classics enough to make it an obsession…to love it like I do. They are, when it comes to a desire to make that a career goal, my soul mates. Imagine if I'd let my insecurities stop me from going. Imagine if I'd spent that month in Oklahoma. I'd have never found things that haven't been seen for thousands of years. I wouldn't have gone to Rome and Pompeii and fantastically beautiful Orvieto. I'd have never met a truly diverse group of immensely wonderful people.

I've evolved a lot in my years since high school, but never enough to truly be happy with myself. This experience has given me a level of confidence I've only ever dreamed about. I feel really good about myself. I am so ridiculously proud of myself. I feel different – forever changed into the type of person I always wanted to be. It's an amazing feeling, really, to have confidence in myself, but also in my abilities and in my future.

It makes me wonder, what have I missed through the years because of my complacency and fear of change? I hope it wasn't anything or anyone too spectacular, but it very well may have been. I suppose I'll never know, so it's nothing to dwell on. This whole new outlook has given me every reason in the world to not dwell on things that can't be changed or just don't even matter. And it's given me a greater appreciation for myself, and for the people I love.

I realize now, that I am solely responsible for my own happiness. So, from now on, I'll be proudly putting myself out there because after everything is said and done, the most important person you have to face with your decisions is yourself. And after everything I've accomplished this summer, I'd really hate to let myself down.